Good…God…and Inspiration

Chrys Hunstiger is the SJCS Learning Specialist and Coordinator of Curricular Activities.

I remember vividly my first few staff meetings at SJCS (8 years ago!) when I realized that it was the way of the school to start each gathering with a d’var Torah (a Torah-inspired teaching). At first it was unsettling to me to hear so much God talk, and my ears were a bit in shock. I was wondering if SJCS was the right career choice for me.

At that point in my personal spiritual journey, the word “God” didn’t work for me.  But then I settled in and heard the message behind the words. Beginning staff meetings with a d’var Torah exemplified the heart and soul of our institution.  I began to feel the spirit of the messages and was inspired.

What does the verb inspire mean? Why do we strive to inspire our students for greatness?  Some of the definitions I found included:

1. to exert a stimulating or beneficial effect upon (a person); animate or invigorate

2. to arouse (with a particular emotion or to a particular action); stir

3. to prompt or instigate; give rise to

and

4. to guide or arouse by divine influence or inspiration

That was the definition that struck me.  When someone truly inspires us it often feels as if there is divine influence.  I was then surprised by the next definition that I rarely think of when I’m feeling inspired – the scientific use of the word:  to take or draw (air, gas, etc) into the lungs; inhale.  The Wired for Reading teacher in me was then curious as to the origin of the word.  I discovered it was c.1300, “immediate influence of God or a god,” from L. in + spirare – “to breathe” (see spirit).    To be inspired is to breathe in the divine.   To inspire is to share the divine.

Inspiration is defined as the stimulation or arousal of the mind, feelings, etc, to special or unusual activity or creativity with  synonyms including:  encouragement, enthusiasm,   creativity, illumination, exaltation, stimulation, motivation.

I contend it is also synonymous with excellent teaching.  As we embark upon a new school year, I see teachers inspired by the divine breath that surrounds us in one and other.  I see teachers striving to inspire their students, sharing their spark – or breath of god,  or breath of good – that exists in each of us.

1. to exert a stimulating or beneficial effect upon (a person); animate or invigorate
2. to arouse (with a particular emotion or to a particular action); stir
3. to prompt or instigate; give rise to: her beauty inspired his love
and
4. to guide or arouse by divine influence or inspiration
That was the definition that struck me. When someone truly inspires us it often feels as if there is divine influence.
I was then surprised by the next definition that I rarely think of when I’m feeling inspired, the scientific use of the word: to take or draw (air, gas, etc) into the lungs; inhale.
The Wired for Reading teacher in me was then curious as to the origin of the word.  I discovered it was c.1300, “immediate influence of God or a god,” from L. in + spirare – “to breathe” (see spirit).
To be inspired is to breathe in the divine. To inspire is to share the divine.
Inspiration is defined as the stimulation or arousal of the mind, feelings, etc, to special or unusual activity or creativity with  synonyms  including:  encouragement, enthusiasm,   creativity, illumination, exaltation, stimulation, motivation.
I contend it is also synonymous with excellent teaching.
As we embark upon a new school year, I see teachers inspired by the divine breath that surrounds us in one and other.  I see teachers striving to inspire their students, sharing their spark, or breath of god, or breath of good that exists in each of us.
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Learning Hebrew with Training Wheels

Mihal (Michelle) Stern teaches 1st grade Judaics, as well as 1st and 2nd grade Hebrew.

Imagine teaching your child to ride a bicycle by sitting her down and verbally instructing her as follows. O.K. little Sarah, first straddle the seat of your bike. Put one foot on a peddle and push off with the other foot. When you start going faster pull your other foot up and start pushing the peddles – first one, then the other. Your feet will stay on the peddles and go round, making circles. One leg will be up while the other is down. Hold tight to the handle bars. You’ll probably wobble – and maybe even fall.  All right, now go give it a try!

training_wheels-blue

Foreign language is often taught much the same way. Students are given lists of vocabulary and grammar rules.  They do fill in the blank exercises, and we hope they will be able to communicate. This approach to teaching language as a means of communication is about as effective as teaching a child to ride a bike by giving oral directions.

This summer I had two fabulous opportunities – one to take workshops related to Hebrew language instruction and the other to teaching reading. I was lucky enough to be the recipient of a generous grant from the Avi Chai Foundation that enabled me to participate in the first of two Tal Am teacher’s workshops.  Tal Am is a unique, extensive, and comprehensive Hebrew curriculum. The core philosophy that shapes every piece of this curriculum is that Hebrew is both a language of communication and a means for conveying our Jewish heritage.

All of the Tal Am materials are designed based on principles of brain-based learning.  Research shows that in order to develop the brain, we must create an environment in which the students are challenged, and in which innovation and methodic feedback are offered throughout the learning process. Language and content which are too complicated can be frustrating and discouraging, but learning which is tied closely to simplified grammatical structures can be boring and un-motivating.  Students benefit from exposure to a rich variety of activities and interesting material, as long as experiential and contextual support makes it comprehensible.

If language is taught as a “body of knowledge” and discussed rather than used, general academic ability is a good predictor of a student’s success.  When teaching focuses on “language as communication,” learners with a wide range of academic abilities can develop equally rapidly. There is some evidence that language acquisition is not strictly tied to cognitive development but represents a partially independent mental structure.

How does Tal Am apply these research findings? Tal Am has created an enormous array of learning material, and these materials now fill half of our multi-purpose room:   games, interactive,  posters, music CD’s, a graded library collection of age-relevant stories for literacy development, “big” books, library books, song, and plays.  With this vast array, I’ll create a Hebrew environment in the classroom that is tailored to meet many different learning styles and developmental levels. (Read more about Tal Am.)

I have joined the growing ranks of SJCS teachers who are trained in Wired for Reading (formerly Linguistic Remedies), with Laura Rogan.  My work was generously subsidized by the Samis Foundation.  Samis’s support extended to others on the SJCS staff and brought us together with colleagues from the other Jewish day schools in our region.

Wired For Reading is a linguistic, research-based reading/spelling/vocabulary program.  It follows a scope and sequence tied to both reading development and word origin. Laura presented her material through story, song, drama, experiential activity, and the use of real life elementary age student models – she is one of the most talented educators I’ve met.  She facilitated an experience so that we actually felt first hand what is was like to be a very vulnerable student with processing difficulties. I look forward to using new skills, knowledge, and sensitivity in my work with the most vulnerable readers.

I look forward to using new information and skills in the classroom — ask me questions anytime if you’d like to know more.

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Summer

As our sun finally starts to shine, and we come to the close of the school year, I want to leave you with haMorah Debbie’s 4-Part Summer Rx.

READ!

Read to your children…and have them read aloud to you or a younger sibling.  Encourage time for independent reading (this goes for adults and children).  Find out about Seattle Public Library’s Summer Reading Program.  And, check out King County Library System’s Make a Splash Program. If you’d like some reading suggestions, check out the Sydney Taylor Book Award-winners from the Association of Jewish Libraries; Newbery Medal-winners for children’s literature; and, the Caldecott Medal-winners for illustrated children’s literature.

SLEEP!

Check out what the research says about the importance of regular sleep patterns for children…even during summer break:.

RELAX!

Summer

HAVE FUN!

Sand Between Your Toes

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The Tree We Have Planted

Speaking as the outgoing Head at our Annual Meeting was bittersweet.  I share a version of my May 17th remarks with you now.

20 years ago I planted a tree with a group of pioneers.  The tree grew tall and the roots grew deep.  The fruit is sweet.  I came back in April 2006 just to help out for one year…and here we are together – four years later.

It has been a wild ride.

I leave with feelings of gratitude for…

  • the teachers and staff who work harder than anyone really realizes
  • students who beg for more Torah
  • this beautiful building
  • getting through tough economic times
  • SJCS families
  • a truly lovely staff appreciation week
  • unsolicited hugs
  • finding drawings on my desk
  • homemade soup in the kitchen
  • hallot with chocolate chips
  • music wafting through the hallways
  • a playground that makes it hard to leave
  • a Poetry Café
  • a visit to Olympia
  • a Board of Trustees made up of people who care
  • Samis, the Jewish Federation, family foundations, and individual donors
  • starting each day with intention
  • a garden of native plants
  • staff members and volunteers who go way beyond what is expected, to make our annual simulated Trip to Israel possible – and a few Chai Fives and Gan students who, every year, think we are really going to Israel.
  • Children who know how to solve problems, feed the hungry, and take care of our world
  • Hebrew TPR—total physical response
  • Flat Stanley
  • 5th Grade Night of Learning
  • beautiful Student art—everywhere!
  • dance parties at recess
  • a cow that gives chocolate milk
  • each of us doing our personal best in PE
  • a brother who comes to stay from Israel, and reminds us all what is most important
  • working with your mom, or your son, or your daughter, or your sister, or your partner, or your best friends
  • former Head of School Joyce Shane
  • new Head of School Shoshi Bilavsky

This job has been exciting and dull; easy and difficult; invigorating and exhausting.  Mostly, it is humbling. So, I would like to conclude by sharing…

The Lessons I’ve Learned from the Top 10 Mistakes I’ve Made

#10 Don’t hand out popsicles to children as they are entering the building.

# 9  Don’t cancel a day of hot lunch, unless you are prepared to feed the whole school with   leftovers.

#8  It is not considered best practice to have an eight year-old answer the school telephone.

#7  Don’t try to figure out who keeps locking the bathroom stalls and then crawls out, leaving them locked.  Just send someone in to unlock them.

#6  Don’t say the word “lice” aloud unless you are prepared for all that may follow.

#5  Don’t make a doorbell accessible to children unless you really want them to ring it.

#4  Don’t make the Office too interesting or the Office cot too comfortable.

#3  Don’t ask a child if she thinks she may throw up.  Just put the bucket nearby and remind her to aim.

#2  Don’t bother trying to stop a child from wriggling a loose tooth or suggest he should just try not thinking about it.  Just give him an ice pack.

#1  Never, ever  run out of chocolate.

As I prepare to leave this job, I have no doubt SJCS is worth our investments—of time, of money, of our children.  It is my hope that the SJCS community continues to strive to make that happen.

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Here for the Long Haul

Our son Julian is graduating 5th grade this month and our daughter Mariah is “graduating” from Kindergarten. It feels like a good time to reflect on how exactly we got here, why we love SJCS, and why we’re here for the long haul.
How’d we get here? We live in Ballard, a place where our kids were exposed to more lutefisk than gefilte fish. Our bright, “doesn’t fit in the box” 3rd grader wasn’t getting his needs met in public school. Honestly, SJCS was barely on our radar. After all, we weren’t particularly looking for a Jewish day school.
So…What was it that had me coming back for a second visit, and a third, dragging my skeptical husband along for the ride? Was it the amazing teachers and engaged students? the beautiful artwork everywhere? The sweet sound of children’s voices in song? Perhaps it was the smell of freshly baked Hamentaschen wafting out of the kitchen?
When Julian was accepted to SJCS and we were faced with a decision, he seemed to instinctively know a good thing when he saw it. Compared to his reaction to some other schools, he knew he “wouldn’t be bored at SJCS.”
How could we afford it? How would my son catch up on 3 years of Hebrew? How would he fit into this class that had already been together for 3 years? How would our family—joining late in the game—gain acceptance into this community? That was the nervous beginning.
So now, three years later, I’m looking at the happy ending of this experience for my son. Julian has clearly benefited from the challenging dual curriculum and the positive role models in this community. He is comfortable with his Jewish identity. He will definitely miss SJCS, but he is ready to move on to middle school.
And, at the same time, I’m reflecting on a year of happy beginning—a series of joyous firsts, those Shehechiyanu moments—for our daughter who “would do fine anywhere” but is learning lifelong skills from her amazing teachers that she, in fact, wouldn’t get anywhere else.
By the end of the year, she knows her Alef-Bet, knows more about dirt, insects, volcanoes, and the topography (out of decorated cookie dough) of Israel than I do, and is mostly “staying in the green” at home (or at least knows what “being in the red” looks like…).
With a 5+ year span between siblings, we are thrilled she got one year to share happy memories with her big brother and he with her: numerous art projects; hot lunch delivered by big bro; a 5th grade-Gan shopping trip to Safeway for the food bank; and an amazing simulated “Trip to Israel” with big brother on security duty, interrogating her with the tough, probing questions such as “Where were you last Passover?” and “What is your favorite color?”
Sometimes I’m just amazed that we found this community. We didn’t believe there were teachers who would “get” our kids, encourage them to do and be their best, and love them almost as much as we do. We didn’t know we parents would make friends and would learn so much here.
Next year will bring changes at SJCS. We will have to say goodbye to our beloved Debbie Butler, and welcome Shoshi, our new head. We will have a new first grade teacher we have yet to meet. As a family, we’ll have another beginning with Julian in a new school.
But, I realize we’ve overcome our challenges here at SJCS. We’ve made friends and figured out a carpool. I know who to ask about what. I’ve been in most of the storage closets. I can actually find stuff in the kitchen now. We’re not new any more. And, after all these years, neither is SJCS. The groundwork has been laid. We have trust. Change can be scary. We may have some bumps ahead—some growing pains—but at least, like Julian says, “we won’t be bored at SJCS.” He was absolutely right. That’s why we’re here for the long haul.

This week I’m happy to welcome Laurie Pritchard to share her thoughts on a year of beginnings and endings.  Laurie is an SJCS parent and former Parent Association Chair.

Laurie and Mariah together for after-school Resnazzaling

Our son Julian is graduating 5th grade this month and our daughter Mariah is “graduating” from Kindergarten. It feels like a good time to reflect on how exactly we got here, why we love SJCS, and why we’re here for the long haul.

How’d we get here? We live in Ballard, a place where our kids were exposed to more lutefisk than gefilte fish. Our bright, “doesn’t fit in the box” 3rd grader wasn’t getting his needs met in public school. Honestly, SJCS was barely on our radar.  After all, we weren’t particularly looking for a Jewish day school.

So…What was it that had me coming back for a second visit — and a third — dragging my skeptical husband along for the ride? Was it the amazing teachers and engaged students? The beautiful artwork everywhere? The sweet sound of children’s voices in song? Perhaps it was the smell of freshly baked Hamantaschen wafting out of the kitchen?

When Julian was accepted to SJCS and we were faced with a decision, he seemed to instinctively know a good thing when he saw it. Compared to his reaction to some other schools, he knew he “wouldn’t be bored at SJCS.”

How could we afford it? How would my son catch up on three years of Hebrew? How would he fit into this class that had already been together for three years? How would our family—joining late in the game—gain acceptance into this community? That was the nervous beginning.

Julian at Hanukkah

So now, three years later, I’m looking at the happy ending of this experience for my son. Julian has clearly benefited from the challenging dual curriculum and the positive role models in this community. He is comfortable with his Jewish identity. He will definitely miss SJCS, but he is ready to move on to middle school.

And, at the same time, I’m reflecting on a year of happy beginning—a series of joyous firsts, those Shehechiyanu moments—for our daughter who “would do fine anywhere” but is learning lifelong skills from her amazing teachers that she, in fact, wouldn’t get anywhere else.

By the end of the year, she knows her alef-bet; knows more about dirt, insects, volcanoes, and the topography (out of decorated cookie dough) of Israel than I do; and, is mostly “staying in the green” at home (or at least knows what “being in the red” looks like…).

With a five-plus year span between siblings, we are thrilled she got one year to share happy memories with her big brother and he with her: numerous art projects; hot lunch delivered by big bro; a 5th grade-Gan shopping trip to Safeway for the food bank; and an amazing simulated “Trip to Israel” with big brother on security duty, interrogating her with the tough, probing questions such as “Where were you last Passover?” and “What is your favorite color?”

Sometimes I’m just amazed that we found this community. We didn’t believe there were teachers who would “get” our kids, encourage them to do and be their best, and love them almost as much as we do. We didn’t know we parents would make friends and would learn so much here.

Next year will bring changes at SJCS. We will have to say goodbye to our beloved Debbie Butler, and welcome Shoshi, our new Head. We will have a new 1st grade teacher we have yet to meet.  As a family, we’ll have another beginning with Julian in a new school.

But, I realize we’ve overcome our challenges here at SJCS. We’ve made friends and figured out a carpool. I know who to ask about what. I’ve been in most of the storage closets. I can actually find stuff in the kitchen now. We’re not new any more. And, after all these years, neither is SJCS. The groundwork has been laid. We have trust. Change can be scary. We may have some bumps ahead—some growing pains—but at least, like Julian says, “we won’t be bored at SJCS.” He was absolutely right. That’s why we’re here for the long haul.

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SJCS’s Annual “Trip” to Israel

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Dear SJCS Staff,

The all-school “Virtual Trip to Israel”—what a great day!  Max had a
blast, of course, but I’m writing to say how much fun I had.  It was a
real pleasure to be able to participate in this project, and bring an
archaeological angle to the event (Israel is the land of  archaeology,
after all!). It was especially fitting that our “station” was situated
right next to the “kibbutz,” actually, because our dig in Israel is
indeed located right next to kibbutz Nahsholim!  The laid-back style
of the whole day, the way everyone sort of jumped in and helped out,
the food and drinks and laughter—it all fit right in with what I know
and love about Israel itself.  I think you really do catch the flavor
(and flavors) of Eretz Israel in a single day, which is something I’d
have thought impossible before.Israel Trip 2010 Dig

But I also wanted to say how much my students / friends / fellow
excavators, Trevor Layman (WA ‘09) and Peder Teigen (WA ‘11) enjoyed
helping out. I’d sent an email out to a couple of local fellow Dorians
(students who’ve dug with me in the past) asking for help, and these
two replied immediately and with an enthusiasm that is great to see in
young 20-somethings!  I asked Trevor and Peder to help because I know
them well—they are sort of adopted family—and because I know they are
good with, and adore, kids—and are natural teachers (I was proud!).
They both did a great job—I gave a little direction, and they each
came up with their own “projects” for the kids—and had a blast.  At
one point, Trev said to me “this place is amazing… I wish I’d gone to
a school like this!”   He also asked if next year he could help plan
the event: he knows Arabic (as well as Latin, Greek, Turkish, some
Hebrew, some Italian and French…) and wants to help make trilingual
signs for our next Israel day (“I want to help bring in the
multicultural aspect…”)!  Neither Trevor nor Peder is Jewish, but both
are deeply in love with Israel ( at one point in the day, Trevor
reflected, “I think Israel is one of the best things that has ever
happened to me”), and they were thrilled and honored to help out.

And so, I wanted to pass on their enthusiasm and gratitude as well.  I
think the school should know the impression it makes not only on
grateful parents, but also on young, single, childless 20-
somethings.   Now that is an extraordinary accomplishment. Yasher Koach!

Sarah

Sarah Stroup is a kindergarten mom and an Associate Professor of Classics at the University of Washington. She regularly does archaeological work in Israel.

SEE PICTURES FROM THE TRIP TO ISRAEL

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Community IS our Middle Name

Today, I welcome reflections from kindergarten parents Sabina Burd and Ian Scott about their family’s school choice and experiences here.

Our decision to send Natalie to SJCS was an easy one.  After months of researching schools, talking with neighbors, and assessing what we considered important to our child’s education, the SJCS curriculum won hands down.  We were parents coming from the co-operative preschool environment and being welcomed into an elementary school where we could be involved was important to us.  This was not readily apparent in the public school system and with SJCS, ‘community’ was literally its middle name!

Learning at the beach with friends

Learning at the beach with friends

This past year has been filled with plenty of pleasant surprises.  We would say they started from Day 1 when we were welcomed with training on child psychology and what to expect from our kid as she transitioned into Gan and left preschool behind.  This was impressive to us and was a strong sign that the school philosophy to childhood mirrored our own – our child was being treated with respect and her emerging individuality would be valued.

As the year moved along at an amazing speed, we knew everything was right because Natalie always wanted to go to school and never wanted to leave…although that’s probably because of the playground being between the classroom and the car.  She’s grown with her literacy of both English and Hebrew and has brought much needed support to our Judaic studies at home.  We love it when our child teaches us something new and are delighted by the thought that we’ll all be learning more in the years to come.

Everyone's Happy on the Playground

Thanks SJCS!

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Praise, Persistence and a Parent’s Kindergarten Year

As we come to the home stretch of the school year, I’m asking parents who were new to SJCS this year to reflect on their students’ experiences and their own.  I’m happy to welcome Gene Lipitz (papa of an SJCS kindergartner and a 7th grader at Billings Middle School) to be the first to share his thoughts.

What’s motivates a child? How does motivation and persistence in the face of difficulty relate to academic success? Is it more or less important than natural intelligence as measured by, for example, an IQ? A year ago, I didn’t even consider the question.Persist 3

In the early 1970s, Walter Mischel invited four-year-olds to his Stanford psychology laboratory. He showed them a marshmallow  and said they could eat that one now, or, if they waited a few minutes while he ran some errands, they could have two when he came back. (I read about this and my following illustration in How We Decide by Jonah Lehrer.) Most agreed they wanted two and would wait, and some made it 15 or 20 minutes before giving up on Mischel ever returning. Many barely waited for the door to shut before they ate the marshmallow. This was intended to be a test of their self-control.

In 1985, Mischel asked parents to report on his subjects grades, SAT scores and general personality traits. Mischel then correlated the personality profiles of the now young adults  to how long each then child had waited before eating the marshmallow. Children who ate the marshmallow within a minute were far more likely to have behavioral problems. They got worse grades and were more likely to use drugs. They struggled in stressful situations and had short tempers.  Their SAT scores were on average 210 points lower than kids who had waited several minutes. In fact, the marshmallow test turned out to be a better predictor of SAT results than the IQ tests he had also given the four-year-olds.

In the late 1990s, Carol Dweck at Columbia University did a study where she took fifth graders and gave them some standard tests. Afterwords, some children were praised for the performance and how “smart they were”, others for their performance and “how hard they must have worked.” Still others were told nothing.

Subsequently, they were given a series of much harder questions. Consistently, those that had been praised for their intelligence showed less pleasure in the challenge, less willingness to tackle challenging questions and worse overall performance. This just from the difference in a few words of praise!

Impressed as I was that my child was tested four times a year at SJCS in a variety of abilities, and that I received comprehensive reports twice a year, I couldn’t quite understand before I knew about this research why haMorah Mary Grace kept talking about Chloe’s patience (or lack thereof) in completing the tasks. She never mentioned how smart she was (which, take my word for it, she is). In the first meeting, I just wanted to hear how she did on the tests, but Mary Grace focused on and cultivated her persistence. Either haMorah Mary Grace knew of the studies or she had simply internalized the lesson from her decades of experience… probably both.

Mary Grace has two excellent colleagues in the Gan classrooms: haMorah Shoshana and haMorah Andrea, who also reflect these values and philosophy when they speak to me about Chloe. I suspect it is a persistent foundation that persists throughout everything the school does. That’s important to our family because one year ago I tended to motivate my children by praising their intelligence. Now, alongside my daughter, I am learning from SJCS (and the Morim who form the backbone of what SJCS is) to value something far more powerful:   persistence.

Read more about talking to kids in this article from Po Bronson, c0-author of NurtureShock.

Read Don’t! The Secret of Self-Control from Jonah Lehrer.

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It Takes a Village…

…to raise a child.  We complete the phrase reflexively,  but at this time of year, I find myself thinking that it takes a village to raise a school.  Schools are inherently optimistic institutions because they are dedicated to the future.  A thriving community is one in which there is hope for the future, and thus, a healthy community is one in which the school is a focal point.  Our community consistently dedicates itself to the future and to SJCS through its immeasurable investment of time, talent, and resources.

One shining example of the passionate volunteerism you’ll find here  is this year’s Gala video A Small School with a Big Heart.  With no budget, parents contributed their expertise and artistry to produce this portrait.  The video is only a single example of the ways in which our volunteers make SJCS their priority.

As we move from Gala to model Seder and onto the many events that comprise the end of a school year, I think about all the volunteers who make our ambitious aspirations realities.  Some are seen, many more are unseen, and all are integral to our success.

Todah Rabah – thank you for believing in the future and for helping us create it.

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Winning at Games, Learning…and Life

I’m pleased to have Diane Zipperman, SJCS Counselor, as a guest blogger.

The winter Olympics are about to begin in Vancouver. The participating athletes have dedicated many years of hard work, practice and sacrifice to reach this opportunity to compete among the world’s best.  What will the message of the Olympics be for them and for those of us who watch them: that winning is all important? Or that pursuing one’s passion, putting forth your best effort, and displaying good sportsmanship are what counts?  As parents, how can we use the Olympic Games as an opportunity to teach important values to our children about winning at sports, in school and in life?

Winning is an important value in our culture and has contributed to great achievements in many different areas of our lives.  We must, however, also examine how winning fits in with other important values such as playing by the rules, respecting “teammates” (on the field, in the classroom and on the job) and the recognition of hard work over outcome. When children believe that being the best is more important than doing your best, they may respond to this pressure by not trying at all.

Children look to us – their parents, teachers, and coaches – for lessons on how to work at winning and cope with losing.  While not every child can become “Olympians”, everyone can develop new skills, learn to get along with others, and deal with the emotions than come with winning and losing. Children can be taught to demonstrate caring and assistance of an injured opponent during a game or of a classmate who is upset over a poor grade (vs. gloating over or showing off their advantage). They can learn how to handle their own anger or disappointment over bad calls or mistakes. And, they can be encouraged to experience success by focusing on how to improve their own performance and skills, not just on the number of games they win.

While watching the Olympics and other sporting events, we can help children learn these lessons. We can ask: “How would you feel if you fell during a skating competition or ski race? What can the fallen player do to collect him or herself and get back into the game? Why are the people who have no chance of winning competing anyway?”  Point out positive examples of good sportsmanship such as athletes shaking the hands of opponents, helping a hurting teammate, and continuing to try their hardest even if the team is losing by a lot. Help them understand how these ways of responding may apply in their lives – in school and with family and friends.

Our children, and we as their parents, need to remember that they are not necessarily going to win at everything and that this does not mean they have “failed.” Personal success can be defined as trying one’s best, recovering and learning from one’s mistakes, treating others fairly and with respect – and, enjoying oneself.

For Further Reading: http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/tcac.htm

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